


mixtape 1: for you

by sawamuraist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mixtape, POV First Person, i love kiyoomi, listen to the playlist plz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawamuraist/pseuds/sawamuraist
Summary: mixtape 1: sentYou were the sun, personifiedI realized that we were similar in many different waysI've always been a pessimist. Well, you know that. But meeting you made me hope for better days.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	mixtape 1: for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I have a playlist for this 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1iX4mbRGvyU6Y28JhGU4Xl?si=rFS0FvU4S3KdaZuTn_LcQA (click [start of tape])
> 
> better experience if you listen to the song before reading the section dedicated to it. (please do! and imagine yourself as the person singing)

[ [start of tape] ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1iX4mbRGvyU6Y28JhGU4Xl?si=o_kp0tjpSTe3dTNfVQ_YXg)

Hello??? Fuck how do you work this thing? 

Oh there, the light's on. 

Hello. So... uh. Yeah. I'm making this because you know I'm not someone who can just say my feelings outright. And I just wanna... yeah.

Anyway, I made you a mixtape. I hope you can listen to it and the notes at the end of each song. I can't express my feelings but I hope these can reach you. yeah, so... yeah.

I love you.

  
  


I just felt like saying that because I feel like I haven't told you that enough. But I love you. [whispers] i really love you. 

  
  


Song 1: Moon River

The first time we met, I never expected that we would be friends. You were the sun, personified, and I was this sad looming cloud blocking your light. We were so different from each other. That's why it was hard to imagine how we grew close.

But you talked to me, and I realized that we were similar in many different ways. And I guess that's how I started liking you. You were just... constantly there and I got so used to it. When I couldn't see you I start looking for you. You changed me, slowly but surely. You changed me and I couldn't figure out if it was something good or something that will bite me back in the ass one day. 

You made me hope. Hope for the best. Hope for the good things in life. 

I've always been a pessimist. Well, you know that. But meeting you made me hope for better days.

Song 2: Soft

"I feel soft around you" Sums this up so much. I don't know how you do it but every time I'm with you, I feel so safe. I feel like nothing would go wrong with my day.

You know everyone tells me, even my parents, that I'm difficult to get used to. Difficult to be close with. But you, you made it seem so easy. You made it seem like I'm someone who would just soften up like butter to anyone.

I don't know how you did it. How my walls crumbled down when I'm with you. How you made me feel like I don't have to let my guards up around you because you made me feel so secure that when you weren't around I didn't know how to function anymore. 

I couldn't imagine my life without you anymore.

Song 3: Where We Belong

Remember when we went on our first date? You were so nervous you didn't notice you were wearing different shoes. It was cute. I laughed and pointed it out. You were embarrassed. We made a trip to your messy apartment before we went to the place you said you'll show me. 

You showed me the moon. I don't know what magic you did but I swear, the moon was as bright as the sun that night. Everything about that night felt magical. You had a guitar in your car, you played this song to me. You said you wrote it I called you out on your bullshit. You said "Okay fine, but I would've written it if they didn't write it first." And maybe that was the moment I started falling for you. You and your humor. You and the things you make me feel. I've never smiled that much in my whole life. You were something else.

Song 4: Weak

You make me feel things. You make me do crazy things. You... What did you do to me? This is the first time I've felt like this. Every time I meet you, every time you touch me, I feel like my heart's going to explode. This song perfectly captures my 'feels' whenever you do what you do to me.

Remember our first kiss? It was behind a tree in a closed park. I could never recall how you managed to make me agree to sneak inside a private park with you. You claim you didn't make me do anything but I know, I just know, that you did some voodoo magic to make me agree.

You brought an old stereo with you. You said it was your mom's. You played a song. I thought you were going to play some cheesy shit and have me fall for you even harder but you were unexpectedly crazy. You rickrolled me. I was dumbfounded. You laughed at me and ran away before I could say my piece. I chased you. But you surprised me when you suddenly pulled me behind a tree. "There's security." you said. I looked around and I saw no one. "Liar." I whispered. "Yeah. I just want to pull you close and kiss you." and so you did. 

I will never forget that day. The day you made me feel so weak.

Song 5: arms

It was scary how fast I was falling for you. How fast my walls were crumbling down for you. There were moments when I get these thoughts. You're someone who could have anyone, why the hell did you choose me? I mean I'm not blind I see the way other people look at you. I can see that there are other people out there who would suit you more. So why me?

But whenever I get these thoughts, you would look me in the eye and say "stop thinking. They're not you" and embrace me with the warmth of a million sun. 

It's scary how you can see right through me. It's scary how just one embrace from you would calm me down. I hoped this would go on. I hoped that you'd always see through me because I have this problem where I don't let anyone in. I hoped you'd continue pushing yourself in. 

Song 6: Nothing

You stayed over at my place for a week and I got a taste of what our life would be if we live together. Domestic bliss. We watched this movie, I forgot the title but I remember it being so horrible. You were laughing your ass off telling me "but that was the best part!" and you're right. That was the best part. Because you said so. Because your eyes lighted up so much I swore I was about to be blinded.

We were discussing something silly, something about the difference between hand soaps and body washes and how you can also use hand soaps for your body because well soap is soap, skin is skin - that was your argument. I disagreed. It turned into an hour of debate. We even researched about the chemicals and shit. And then you let me win. And told me you love me. For the first time.

You love me. I love you too but I wasn't ready to say it back.

You told me you love me and kissed me senseless. Made me feel weaker than before. Made me feel defenseless.

  
  


I got scared.

Song 7: My Favourite Thing

When our one week of playing pretend married couple ended, it started seeping in.

The demons in my head that were suppressed by your presence. They all came crawling back. You love me. Why? What made you love me? How sure were you that it's love you feel and not just infatuation to whatever image you have of me?

You texted me, "Please don't think too much about what I said a while ago. I'm not expecting you to have a response asap. I just felt like saying it at that moment. I love you. And it's okay if you take your time."

You are perfect. I love you. I really do love you. And I'm sorry I didn't say it to you at that moment. But I love you. I love you so much. I love you.

Song 8: Warning Sign

Real life was catching up to me. Pressure from everybody to do better. 

We've been dating for 2 years and I still haven't told you I love you. Pressure.

My parents' expectations. Pressure.

Thinking about how every one thinks that I don't deserve you.

I was at the end of my tether. It was all too much and I... lashed it out on you. Multiple times. You did not deserve that. You were only trying to help me out. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm like this. I'm sorry that the person you loved turned out to be some kind of green-eyed monster. You said it was fine. But I can see it in your eyes. It wasn't. 

Then I told you I love you. 

You didn't say it back.

I should've said it earlier. Maybe we would still be together.

Song 9: Sparks

Yeah I drove you away. I wasn't surprised when you said you wanted a break. We've been fighting for months and months because... I started looking for warning signs. Because I was insecure. Because I couldn't help but be like this. 

One of the fights that marked my mind was the day I saw you with Tobio. I know. I know you were friends. I know. But my mind is twisted. And I twisted every word you said. And I made you break your friendship with him. And I know you were hurt by that. The light in your eyes dimmed. I regret that. I regret that so much. That wasn't me talking. It was the monsters in my head. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I wasn't myself. I love you too much. I know this isn't an excuse but... Yeah. I'm sorry. 

After that, you asked for a break. 

I didn't have the face to ask you to reconsider, so I let you slip through my hands.

Song 10: Before I Let You Go

So why am I sending you this mixtape? Because, 1 year after, I still can't seem to let you go. Yesterday still plays in my mind. Back when your light shined so brightly. Back when you still loved me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. Because you've gone and left me all alone. But I know I've got to face tomorrow on my own now.

So before I say goodbye to you, before I let go of all these feelings i have for you. I want to say, for the last time, [sniff] that I love you. And I hope the light in your eyes is back. I hope you're happy and loved by whoever it is by your side now. 

You were the perfect partner. Whoever's by your side now is so... so. so.. lucky to have you. I love you. I really do. And I don't know if I'll ever stop. 

[end of tape]

**Author's Note:**

> scream at me @ylllnglz


End file.
